Self Criticism

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Like a general novice writer my thoughts are not organised.I always deviate from the main topic. Also, I don't have agility to embellish my manuscript. So, most of you would find it oscitant. I also lack aplomb of stage. Those punctilious eyes, searching for even smallest errors, scare me. You must be thinking that my opprobrium is rather harsh and the guy is frustrated with his weaknesses. But i admit that you all are corrct. But I find ways to convince myself that I'm not that bad.
In case of my inability to perform on stage I say to myself that I can't rape the audience as others do. One of my good freind remarked me "why do you contempt yourself?" but i just can't stop this. "The Almighty" had created this being similar to extremly
powerfull Herculese, He-man, other successfull orators and conqueres of public attention. But I have ruined his creation. I have created many mental blockages for myself. I can't do this, I can't do that.
All the motivational books like "How to think big", "Monk who sold his Ferrari" have been written for people like me. But they don't appeal to me. I'm vexed with people's obsession to etch their name on each mile stone they pass by. They take extreme pleasure in observing the road passing at great pace in their rear view mirror. My views are a bit different. I just want to live my life in a very poised manner, enjoying whatever "The Almighty" keeps in my way. Those books confuse me. They ask to achieve both success and mental
peace. For me these are two poles. I can't have both. Either I can run to fullfill my dreams or can sit calmly and relish the creations of "The Almighty".

My request to anyone who comes across this post. Please help me out of this
confused state....

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